On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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