if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
