I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
