Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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