my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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