Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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