Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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