you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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