I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
