I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize