I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
