dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
