I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
