I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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