Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
