i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Bring me that man meat
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
