What a fucking waste of an outfit
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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