Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
