I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
