you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
