Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
