Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
