a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
