btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
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