This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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