my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
