1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
