We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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