I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
