ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
