shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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