you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
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"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
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Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize