I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
