i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
