Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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