I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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