I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
