Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
