Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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