so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My vagina is officially offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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