The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
