Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
