Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
