Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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