Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
