nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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