Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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