:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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