Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
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