someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
