i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
