well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
