You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
