Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
