I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
