At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
