i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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