wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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