so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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