If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
