If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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