My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
