You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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