And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My life is pants optional.
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