Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
