dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
