My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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