Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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