sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
