Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Randomize
