So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
